80s News Montage

Oh Hai there.  It's me, The Generic Guy.  I know it's been awhile and all of you have missed me.  Don't worry, I'm back now and there is so much news to cover.  Let's Get it started.

Well, it looks like Mormon Mitt will be the GOP nominee (Hehe, that rhymed xD).  Newt will dropout and support Mitt, Rick will keep fighting Mitt, and Paul will keep doing what he's been doing...

MPAA Chief Chris 'Dicktator' Dodd has hinted at the revival of the controversial Anti-Piracy bill, SOPA-- and incase you've forgotten, SOPA is the Stop Online Piracy Act, which was being sneaked through Congress, until the Internet raised a big middle finger of F**K YOU!.  Dodd looks like he will bring back SOPA after the election, so we must keep an eye on that.  http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/mpaa-christopher-dodd-sopa-bully-harvey-weinstein-ratings-308359

Moving that to the back burner, we have a more pressing issue.  CISPA, or the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act.  Apparently Congress has nothing better to do than make pointless acronyms for stupid laws.  You can read the bill itself here:  http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/112/hr3523/text
Or if you're lazy, like most of us, you can read reddit's summary here:  http://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/rt21f/so_i_read_cispa_hr_3523_heres_your_tldr/

Basically, CISPA wants to destroy the internet, in the name of stopping Cyber criminals and terrorists.  And to stop the terrorists, the Government wants to watch....everyone.  The Bill, if passed, will give the Government or private organizations *Cough* MPAA *Cough* the power to go to your Internet Service Provider, and demand information on someone, because they suspect that someone might be a cyber terrorist.  So, your ISP will collect information on you, on everyone.

Now you might be asking, "But, Generic Guy, aren't there laws currently in place to protect the privacy rights of the people on the internet, making this bill stupid and redundant because my ISP cannot collect information on me, let alone give this information away to a third party, whether or not this third party is the Government or a private organization such as the MPAA or the RIAA?"

Now, little voice in my head, you would be correct on that, however CISPA will allow your ISP to circumnavigate those privacy laws, making them free from any and all legal action.  CISPA will not only allow your ISP to collect and give away information on you, but you cannot even sue your ISP, because they are given diplomatic immunity.

First there was SOPA and PIPA, then ACTA, and now CISPA.  Looks like more fighting for Net Neutrality.

Now on to the good news--not really, it's just more bad news...

So, in Florida, an African American kid, named Trevon Martin was gunned down by a white Hispanic named Zimmerman.  Now, the whole case has been muddled with opinions and some people want it to be labeled as a hate/race crime.

So, lets end all this bad news on a good laugh.  Rick Santorum, if elected president, wants to ban porn. I know what your thinking, but this is completely true.  I have proof:  http://articles.nydailynews.com/2012-03-16/news/31202806_1_romney-and-santorum-andrea-saul-santorum-points